One of the hardest things is learning a person.

I have taken a new slave in and am training her. She is very head strong and her will is amazing when she tries. She loves to a fault, and than hates herself for doing it. I find myself trying to protect her more than spend time with her. I wonder at times if she would be better off with someone who would allow her to do as she wants. So I of course gave that a try and put my Dominant side on a shelf to see. We started fighting more and more and she began turning to others for her problems and concerns. It got to the point that I felt that I was no longer wanted or desired. Last night we had a talk about how she was feeling. She wants to spend time with her friends and be trusted. She wants me to stand up to her but not in a abusive manner. She wants Pride and Structure in her life but fights me in it. I found out that she did not know what a Mentor nor a Dominant really meant. This confused me more than anything and makes alot of things make sense. Lately I have been so off base that I do not even know my self. I contribute that to my own doing of putting myself on a shelf. It is my own doing that has caused alot of the rift between her and I. It is time for me to take back my life, I have had issues in the past of people seeing a super hero rather than me. But this one see;s all my flaws and will call me on them. She is extremely strong! I will have to be myself and hope for the best. Draxxe
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

Feelings

I sit here at another cross roads, wondering what to do.
I know what loss is far more than joy.
I have lost so many times trying to start a new life.
Some things remain the same, I am always called a fool.
I have been told that I am never satisfied with anything.
I have been told that I allow too much to slide.
I have been told that I expect unrealistic things, and so on.
I never say anything in return, to all of the things I am told.
I do feel love and pain, sorrow and joy.
I do need companionship, and friends, a purpose and hobbies.
I am a Man as well as a Master.
Why can no one see the real me.
The romantic, sensitive, loving, caring, me.
Am I not allowed these feelings because of who I am.
Must I forbid the slightest pleasure in my life.
I was asked tonight what would make me happy.
It Dumb founded me to answer of uncertainty.
So to everyone, who asked me what would make me happy.
I want a slave that is committed to me completely.
One that wakes up thinking about me and goes to bed to dream of me.
One that choices not to live without being at my feet.
One that puts my desire and my happiness first.
One that I can trust and honor as my property.
One that knows that my honor is who I am.
One that accepts me for me and helps me grow.
I want a slave who is true of mine and spirit and soul.
This is what would make me happy.

Alive

Well i am still alive, trying to get my buisness off its feet on onto its legs. distant at best with the current events that has caused me a few set backs.

Mentoring list

Its funny I have come across something similar to that of a dear friend of mine to make a list of my goals and to increase the goal as one is achieved. Currently am looking to improve everything in my life now that i am getting back on my feet.

Who am I

I know alot of people keep asking me who I am, I am a 28 year old white male stand 5'7" 135lbs, with glasses. But there is something deeper that not many will ever see. There is a passion burning so deep inside of me that it is all consuming. This passion is that of a Dominant. I was raised in a house as a child, Old Guard slave. My mother who was Dominant in nature, sent me to live with a man. I was taught honor, respect, integrity, codes, and protocol. I learned a way of life i was pulled to the side and told i was Dominant, this entailed learning everything of the house i was in from a slave, Master, and teacher point of view. At a young age i was living at nudist camps and parties. When i was a teen my step dad went to prison for the lifestyle the family was in. I moved with my mother to Tennessee were the lifestyle just seemed to follow. It was different there, being treated as a toy from anyone who came to see my mother. This caused me to rebel and get kicked out, I lived about a year and a half on the streets got picked up by the law and sent to juvenile hall for how my life was, i made the mistake of trusting a shrink. So i was punished for telling what my life entailed. I slowly built a life for my self when i met my ex wife KIM, she was submissive to the point of a true slave. and i loved teaching her what i knew and could never bring my self to tell her why i knew it. I will just shrug off that question when it came up. I accepted her into my bed and after a cpl years i married her. we have two sons together and they are my life. In an attempt to better my self I bought a home at the age of 22. with the home came more bills and things we had to have so In an attempt to stabilize this I joined the USAR. While away at basic and ait to become a MP she didn't pay the bills and when i got back i lost my job they said i was a 3 day no call at the time i didn't know that was illegal. this sent me into a down ward spiral. i was forced to file bankruptcy and try to start over so i entered actice duty US-Army. I went off to reclassification and my PCS to Fort Bragg, while i was at Fort Bragg, my wife had listened to the other house wives who enjoyed drama, she lied to me.. I was discharged from the army in 2002 for spine damage. When i got out I tried to trust again but could not seeing more and more lies coming from her. so i filed divorce. I moved to Indiana to start my life over..
and this is where i am now in my life.